Sadness and Zero

I was walking with Zero the other night when I felt incomparably odd and unsure about everything. I guess my reluctance to bring up something to talk about was just too obvious that it obliged him to do most of the talking. He is a bad speaker, I know; and I am never good at listening to his half-interesting rants. I was thankful there were still jeepneys passing by to punctuate every awkward silence and dead-airs.

We talked about random, mundane things -- his dancing, my writing, his hair gel deprivation, my sleepless nights, and our kinds of sadness.


It was kind of sad, he said, to walk alone in a dark and empty street. I was surprised that, after 10 minutes of walking, he came up with something 'deep.' I told him that some people find happiness in solitude. But humans are cowards by nature. He has a point.

Sadness, like happiness, is contagious. When we are happy, we extend our own happiness to other people. When we are battered by extreme misery, whether intentional or not, we infect people so they'd end up sympathizing with us.

We embrace sadness just as we embrace hope, success, and guilt. We love sadness just as we love euphoria, bliss, and contentment. Sadness, then, is a double-edged sword for it can always make us stronger, or cliched as it may sound, tear us apart.

I tucked my cold hands inside my jacket and looked up. And sighed. There was no visible star. It was only an hour before midnight and it was, after all, another sad night.

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may namatay, nagkasakit, nakunan atbp

oras na lamang ang binibilang. wala nang pagsidlan si mama ng pagkasabik, o pagkabagot, na isabit sa ding-ding ang kalendaryong bigay ni tito michael. handa na lahat: ang mga boteng ng pulang kabayo at yelo, dumadagundong na tugtog, at masasayang ngiti ng mga tao. habang excited na rin ang dalawa kong kapatid na sindahan ang kanilang mga paputok, tinatalunton ko naman ang mga kweba ng aking memorya.

marahas ang mga naging tagpo sa nagdaang taon. may namatay, nagkasakit, nakunan, at na-ospital. may apat akong kaibigan na nabuntis ng maaga, at lahat sila ay nangakong masaya sila sa nangyari at wala silang pinagsisisihan. sa darating na bagong taon, lakas ng loob na lamang ang aking hinihingi at hinihiling -- para sa aking sarili at sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin.

maraming nagbago, at maraming magbabago. kahit na malabo at tanging kawalang-katiyakan ang dala ng mga katapusan, matututunan din nating sumabay sa takbo, o maki-ayon sa alon, ng mga pagbabago.

isang manigong bagong taon sa inyong lahat.
hangad ko ang inyong kasiyahan :)

-TOFFER, www.prosetitute.blogspot.com

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of fake American accent and fractured grammar

This is the unofficial list of the things you need to bring or have before applying to any call centers. WARNING: I am not encouraging anyone to enter the intellectual prostitution arena where you are paid for your pseudo-fluency in English. This entry might contain innumerable metaphors and hyperboles.

1. Diction.
More than your fake American accent and fractured grammar, be sure to always 'taste your words twice' before uttering them. Everything that slips out of your mouth could cause your success; yet, a single misused word could send you back home.

During a panel interview, an GAY applicant was asked to describe his self in three words. For someone who could fairly understand the English language, this type of question is as easy as a what-is-your-name question. Not unless you are brain dead, you can't answer this.

To my disbelief/surprise, these were the words he answered: SOPHISTICATED. DEMURE. COMPLEX. O My Gash. He could surely, and effortlessly, grab a Little Ms. BaranGAY title for his answer. But when he was asked 'what is sophisticated', he answered a BIG smile...

...and nothing else.


2. Jacket.
When I went to NCO in Q. Ave for my first (unsuccessful) application, it was summer then. And wearing my jacket under the scorching heat of the sun wasn't a good idea at all.

Or so I thought. I was a frozen ice candy inside the reception area; sitting and wishing for someone who was kind enough to blanket me with jacket. The moment I felt that I couldn't really stand the chill, I rushed down and bought myself a hot coffee -- and then, I saw Dino Imperial (that boy in most MyPldt DSL commercials) -- two fncking feet away from me -- drinking his C2 in an exaggeratedly slow motion. He was so hot that I had forgotten I was literally freezing that moment.

Lesson learned: If you want to see a hot guy who stars in a commercial, do not bring a jacket.

3. Ballpen.
Aside from its obvious use, ballpens can be used as a deadly weapon. The good news is, unlike guns and knives, security guards won't freak out when they caught you holding a ballpen.

If in case you grew tired with that insipid interviewer, you can always stab him to death. Aim for the eyes or throat, this is a good target. Don't forget to bring a tissue.

4. More Ballpens.
Be a helping hand. Your co-applicants might also need some ballpen for the similar purpose above. If you hate yucky blood splatters, you can resort to a less morbid way -- HOSTAGE THE INTERVIEWER. There will be policemen, media, and of course, negotiators.

When they ask you what you want, smile and NEVER hesitate to tell them what you really, really want. Pen is mightier than sword. Right.

5. Confidence.
If you think you are waaaay smarter and better than the HR, do nothing. Don't give him a hard time. Because remember, no matter how good you are in pronouncing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, you are still under his mercy -- he can hire you, make you wait for millennia, or just simply dump you.

But if you know how to use sarcasm, good for you -- USE IT.

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Anti-Twilight League: Stand and be counted

I promised myself not to make a review about that book of Stephenie Meyer only because, like love and politics, it was already overrated. But since I have nothing to write, and this stupid insomnia won't just let me sleep, this attempt is the perfect sleeping pill.

Twilight was like a time bomb because it took three pathetic years to explode like hell here in the Philippines. Its first publishing was in 2005, the exact year Rowling decided to publish her Half Blood Prince. I said PWNED!


Do not underestimate the power of repeated gossips. Beware of your girl bestfriend who swore that Twilight is a good read and that Edward is a handsome vegan vampire. It can change the world; and it turned Philippines into an archipelago going gaga over Edward Cullen-Bella Swan love team. (I agree, this love team is waaaay better than Marian-Dingdong.)

My friend Apocalypse has an irrational hatred for Twilight. And I believe that he was now spreading membership cards for his Anti-Twilight League in LRT Stations, and in major universities in NCR. (I had to hide his true identity for mystery purposes, lest the Edward Cullen Fans Club would go hunt him and burn him at the stake). But I heard that Apocalypse is a closet Jasper die-hard fan.

The Anti-Twilight League will be comprised of professionals and urban poors alike. There will be lawyers, teachers, and call center agents. There will be activists, homosexuals, software engineers, and fresh graduates. There will be congressmen, barangay tanods, and who knows, former presidents. There will be mothers, and hopeless romantics. Because we are legion for we are many!

I noticed that Meyer used the word GAWK a lot of times. Can't she afford a thesaurus? This wouldn't pass for repetition; I think word abuse is more fit. When I pointed this out, Apocalypse, who is an English major, explained that this maybe is Meyer's poetic license. Not interested, I replied.

I am quite thankful that Twilight has diverted the public away from the perpetual political problems of the Philippines for three days and two hours (forgive the alliteration). Other than that, Twilight is nothing but a book with weak characterization and poor plot who has gotten so much popularity from girls and gays alike.

To the girl who claimed that she was a bookworm after reading her first book entitled Twilight, please, for Literature's sake, reading one book whose font size is a screaming 15 points doesn't make you a bookworm. And please, don't pronounce it as 'Bel-ya'.

After I finished reading Twilight, I thought of borrowing New Moon from a friend's friend. But I suddenly realized that I have better things to do.


Photo from Anti-Twilight's DeviantArt

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Countdown to Chaos

Don't tell me how many days are left before Christmas Day. Unang Hirit, SIS, 24 Oras, and Saksi are doing that sacred job for me. So, you don't have to hammer again that it's "14 araw na lang pasko na!" spiel with annoying bells on the background.

I. AMEND THE CONSTITUTION
I don't care if Gloria stays in her Palace for four years or four centuries because of this, but I want an immediate charter change. And please indicate there in the 2008 Philippine Constitution that it is never ever our obligations as citizens (and humans) to be merry and happy and smiling during Christmas season.

2. CALLBOY (AGAIN)
My mom has started to discourage me about my plans of joining the call center force (again) because of this overly sensationalized global financial crisis. She told me that two of my cousins were laid off just this week from their jobs (to think that they both came from quite well-known companies), and that my chance of getting hired was slim.

I asked her: What do you want me to do with my life in the next 40 years? Do you like me to wash the dishes until I die because of Salmonella virus? Do you want me to fnck a girl, marry her, and have 14 kids to feed? Didn't I promise you that we will go to Boracay? Or was it Puerto Galera?

I went on like that for 10 minutes and the issue on financial crisis was suddenly, and safely, left behind. My mom was never that hard to convince.


3. NOT-SO-NEW RESOLUTIONS
When I was younger, I would make my not-to-do list in 199X because our teacher required us to. I remembered that I wrote there to quit, or at least minimize, from pagmumura. Back then, I believed that saying "P*TANG **A MO, [insert name here]!" was cool and astig. I later found out that, not only that it was impolite, your friends might also think that you were raised with cute piglets.

But, of course, the greatest ironies of life can be seen in our attempt to make our New Year's Resolutions. My pagmumura became much, much worse that I even called my Dad "T*NG IN* MO TALAGA!"

It happened a lot of times now that they think it was my way of saying I love You.

4. POLITICAL CORRECTNESS OF SINGLEHOOD
Being single in a vast ocean of malalaswang kissing couples makes you a lonely, hopeless freak. It's OK, you still have your friends, right? You can always convince them that being single doesn't preclude the idea of being loved. You can always say that it was your personal choice to be alone this season. You can always say that having a partner doesn't secure and assure happiness, contentment, and most importantly, love. YES! Say that -- and they will laugh at you.

Absolutely, there is nothing wrong about being single, you're only emotionally unstable. It's like saying you're not ugly, you're only visually challenged. It's like saying you're only pathologically high-spirited when you really are a psycho.

5. LEGALIZED PANGONGOTONG
Christmas is the time of the year when door-to-door pangongotong is a legal and normal thing to do. You are, of course, obliged to give some coins and bills to the carolers that come every 1 minute and 23 seconds all because it is Christmas and you don't want to be called barat.

To the carolers: Do you know any other song aside from that worn-out "Tuwing sasapit ang pasko / Namimili ang Mommy ko / Ng mga pang-regalo para sa araw ng Pasko" OK. I don't give a damn about the gifts that your mom will buy for the season, or your father who sets up the Christmas Tree. Or your Ate who cooks Tinola. Or your Kuya who has Lechon. Did I just say Tinola and Lechon? Oh, somebody please give me the phone number of PETA.

You can always call me barat or KJ, or KJ na, barat pa. At least, I don't pretend to be happy and merry.

*Not including this part, I counted the number of words in this post using wordcounttool, and hey, 666 words! This is a good omen, believe me.

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Pre-Christmas Heartbreak

I miss the part, when we were moving forward now
On our way down, but maybe someday,
I'll be something more than love

-Saosin, Voices

Last Tuesday night, I went over SM Marikina to forget. I failed.

It was 7pm, I think, when I reached Starbucks. I was happy to find the shop decongested from people, hoping I could think more freely without the distraction of a chattering crowd.

After I bought a Java Chip, I went outside and started to contemplate. But the frappe did not help; even with my jacket on, I could still feel the piercing Christmas chill. Then I realized I forgot to bring my lighter.


I texted an online friend, UrbangurU, for a short chitchat. Though late, he still came.

With a friend, Mark, I decided to stroll around River park and Riverbanks, it was 9 pm. We rode the River Taxi which I found very amusing. I asked Mark if he can swim, and when he said yes and that he had swimming classes last semester, I shivered. I feared for my life. Yes I wanted to die, but not this awful way...

Mark bought a pair of brown slippers and ate a penoy. I lost 100 pesos in Color Game and ate a cookies and cream ice cream to cheer up. But I became more frustrated that we rushed to a 7/11 for a half-pack of Marlboro and a black lighter. I don't know why but I always wanted my lighter black.

I was burning my lungs out while we talked of annoying Twilight-related things, careless that we sat just a few meters from a shooting. The hell we care about John Lloyd. People were running like mad monsters growling JOHHNN LLOOOYYDD! So Pinoy.

When I got home, I knew it was past 3am. Thinking back, it was funny that I had to go somewhere far just to forget and fail. Then I saw my inviting bed. I tried to sleep and forget. I succeeded.

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Facing the Real World

There is no wonder why the youth of today doesn't give much damn about the importance of card catalogs. We are in the digital era now, and anybody who owns a computer and knows how to use it can already be considered a member of the technological elite.

Thus, there is no denying that there really are benefits we can get from the Internet. Now that most places already enabled Wi-Fi connection (meaning surfing the web wirelessly), Internet therefore is all over the place. Just bring that laptop and buy yourself a Starbucks' Mocha Frappe, you are now good to go.


Since the advent of the Internet, libraries here in the Philippines are slowly turning into mere structural buildings for books rather than a place for learning.

One thing Internet has to offer is Wikipedia. Basically, it is an online hub where you can read millions of articles of different topics. Drop the library cards, you won't need those.

With a computer and a connection at hand, all the facts and figures that you need to know is literally a click away-- and Wiki is the place to be. From Physics to Literature up to more asinine things like Mushroom Soup recipe or Jim Carrey's favorite lines, everything is accessible and available for public viewing. But some information are just as unverified as they come, so don't go relying too much from the Web.

Another freebie we can get from the net are free downloads. Do you fancy listening to Air Supply, Coldplay, or Madonna? Do you prefer movies of Spielberg over Cuaron? Do you need an e-book of the Harry Potter series? Name it and the Web has it- and the good thing is, it is free of charge. You just have to search it using Google or Yahoo search engine. But still, beware of viruses that you might download. It comes free of charge as well.

Who has the most number of friends in Friendster? Do you have 500+ or 1000+ online buddies? I am pretty sure that if a cow knows how to use the computer, it would have created its own account just to be in. This is the IT thing- the number of your online friends is directly proportional to your popularity. Likewise, communities like Myspace and Facebook enabled us to connect with millions of faceless people around the world. What if God were one of us, would he set his profile private from other people? Nevertheless, with or without an account, he is popular already.

Some countries use state-of-the-art technology to store highly classified information (like the prototype of their weaponry for mass destruction), while some countries use it as a tool for economic progress. Despite all the benefits we can get from the Internet, we should never forget that anything excessive is dangerous. And if this excessive indulgence would later lead us to the losing end, we better pull off our connections and stay offline.

When was the last time you used the public library for your research? Maybe it's time to shut down your computers and flex some muscles. Facing the real world and the real people won’t hurt, right?


*Originally written last August 8, 2008

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